Truth With Proof - The Answers to Life, the End, and the struggles in between

Many parents have been led to believe that certain misbehavior and bad attitudes are a normal part of child development, and that their job is to simply manage family life to the best of their abilities, hoping all along that, despite what they are currently experiencing, their children will “turn out O.K.” in the end. If you have ever wished it could be different than this, and dreamed of having children that are well behaved, courteous, respectful, and mature, with a genuine care for their siblings and others, then you need to know that this is not an unattainable fairytale.

God’s Word, together with the Holy Spirit helper, is the original manual on child raising, and anyone willing to examine it in its fullness will find that it has never needed updating or improvement. When the Bible is mentioned in correlation with child raising today, many people incorrectly assume that it is a vehicle of harshness, primarily because of poor examples of application where the discipline aspects of scripture were not balanced with the many other directives. Yet, when applied in its entirety, the train up a child message of the Bible is perfect and truly bears desirable fruit. It is a beautiful thing to interact with a God-fearing (God-respecting) child and to witness his character shine for the Lord. His life is a shaping by his God-fearing parents, and, as he learns to independently apply God’s ways, he brings a gift of joy to his family and to his Father in heaven.

Proverbs 23:24-25, “The father of the righteous shall greatly rejoice: and he that begetteth a wise child shall have joy of him. Thy father and thy mother shall be glad, and she that bare thee shall rejoice.”

Proverbs 10:1, “The proverbs of Solomon. A wise son maketh a glad father: but a foolish son is the heaviness of his mother.”

Proverbs 15:20, “A wise son maketh a glad father: but a foolish man despiseth his mother.”

It is important to realize that, whilst we can do our best to impart the will of God to our children before they are born again themselves of water and of the Holy Spirit (see Home page and Truth & Proof page), it is not until our children receive the Holy Spirit anointing that they can truly access the power to apply God’s Word in their own lives. At that point our main focus is to encourage and help our children to obey what God has placed in their hearts and minds, as well as teach them scripture and scriptural stories which help to reinforce what their inner Spirit is telling them.

Acts 1:8, “But ye shall receive power, after that the Holy Ghost is come upon you: and ye shall be witnesses unto me both in Jerusalem, and in all Judaea, and in Samaria, and unto the uttermost part of the earth.”

Hebrews 10:16, “This is the covenant that I will make with them after those days, saith the Lord, I will put my laws into their hearts, and in their minds will I write them;”

We personally witnessed our two sons receive the Holy Spirit, speaking in tongues as evidence, at 3 ½ years, and 3 years and 4 months respectively. As we have brought them up with daily scriptural teachings, we have seen how, of their own accord, they increasingly rely upon their personal relationship with the living God to deal with life’s issues and needs relevant to them; to seek the Lord for answers, comfort, forgiveness, and strength to overcome temptation. Increasingly, they find true joy, confidence, and peace in things of the Lord which is expressed in their play, their music, and their learning interests.

Even after our children are born again, we must continually remind them not to depend on us as parents for their salvation. Nor is it sufficient for us to consider our job done once our children are born again. Daily we must remind them that, “For as many as are led by the Spirit of God, they are the sons of God,” Romans 8:14. Our task is to encourage them to listen to their Spirit; to ask of themselves, “What would Jesus do in this situation?”

Philippians 2:12, “Wherefore, my beloved, as ye have always obeyed, not as in my presence only, but now much more in my absence, work out your own salvation with fear and trembling.”

Today the bookshelves are filled to overflowing with parenting guides. Counseling services and instructional videos abound. New age child raising philosophies circle mother groups, internet chat rooms and television talk shows. And yet, more than ever, there are children who are disobedient, dishonest, disrespectful, selfish, hateful, rude, violent, proud, manipulative, immature, impatient, immoral, over-emotional, unreasonably competitive, and unable to converse with adults (to varying degrees; in various combinations; list in no way conclusive).

So, with the plethora of help available to moms and dads these days, why is it that parenting is such a common struggle? Why is it that siblings can’t get along? Why is it that the playground has become a free-for-all in word and deed? The answer is plain and simple: Man’s wisdom has become an ineffective substitute for God’s wisdom.

The bible clearly tells us that the difficulties that man has brought upon himself are a direct result of straying from God’s Word. Even those that seem to be godly suffer the same difficulties because either their perceived relationship with God is only surface deep, or they have mingled the counsel of men with the counsel of God.

2 Timothy 3:2-5, “This know also, that in the last days perilous times shall come. For men shall be lovers of their own selves, covetous, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy, Without natural affection, trucebreakers, false accusers, incontinent, fierce, despisers of those that are good, Traitors, heady, highminded, lovers of pleasures more than lovers of God; Having a form of godliness, but denying the power thereof...”

Proverbs 30:11-12, “There is a generation that curseth their father, and doth not bless their mother. There is a generation that are pure in their own eyes, and yet is not washed from their filthiness.”

Are common attitude and behavioral issues simply stages to be expected of all children as they grow and develop, or is there a direct relationship between these problems and the ways in which children are raised (trained)?

Proverbs 22:6, “Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.”

The Bible promises that if we seek to please Him and apply His Word in every part of our lives, then we will reap the blessings. This includes our efforts in raising our children. Throughout the Bible there are an abundance of scriptures instructing us to train our children towards righteousness; this includes their words, deeds, thoughts and attitudes. Even when they receive the anointing of the Holy Spirit, we cannot expect our children to absorb scripture purely by osmosis. Yes, a Spirit-filled child has the Word of God written in his heart and mind, however deliberate reference to scripture by his parents is also critical to his development.

As parents, we need to be careful to set a positive example ourselves. Then, we need to guide our children as to what is expected of them, using scripture as the foundation, in the way they deal with us as parents, the way they deal with their siblings and others outside the family, as well as the way they relate to the world around them. We need to monitor the influences in their lives and create a learning environment that works in harmony with God’s Word.

Deuteronomy 6:4-9, “Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God is one LORD: And thou shalt love the LORD thy God with all thine heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy might. And these words, which I command thee this day, shall be in thine heart: And thou shalt teach them diligently unto thy children, and shalt talk of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, and when thou liest down, and when thou risest up. And thou shalt bind them for a sign upon thine hand, and they shall be as frontlets between thine eyes. And thou shalt write them upon the posts of thy house, and on thy gates.”

Should we do these things with diligence and with patience and joy toward our children, we can expect the fruits of righteousness to grow. Our children shall become fruitful trees; their roots solidly embedded in the Word of God. If we begin the moment they are born and do not grow weary in our efforts, each day will see new leaves and branches; deeper roots and a stronger trunk.

The goal is to train our children up in the way they should go so that when they are adults they are well equipped to stand on their own, fulfill God’s will and purpose for them with joy, and be strong ambassadors for the Lord. This is our calling as parents and God provides all that we need to succeed. To answer the call requires commitment and sacrifice; it necessitates a willingness to “go against the grain” and confidently stand on God’s fail-proof direction.

Our goal is not to just raise good children, because the definition of “good” in this world is left for man to decipher on his own. Rather, our goal is to raise righteous children i.e. children that are in right-standing with God. Do not be misled in thinking that a child who is well-behaved and spiritually mature equates to an unhappy, sullen child. Rather, the reverse is true. A child who understands and respects his boundaries will become comfortable and emotionally secure in that environment, and will exude more consistent happiness because of an absence of bad behavior and destructive attitudes.

The distractions and temptations of this world grow exponentially each year. As parents, we cannot expect to achieve a goal of righteousness by following the same path as those who are struggling. We must be willing to honestly evaluate every aspect of our lives as a family and cast off those things that will potentially undermine the advancement towards our goal. This personal sacrifice can sometimes be the most challenging. However, if we love our children we will not hesitate to do what it takes; for their benefit, for God’s glory, for our joy.

Genesis 18:19, “For I know him,” (God is speaking about Abraham), “that he will command his children and his household after him, and they shall keep the way of the LORD, to do justice and judgment; that the LORD may bring upon Abraham that which he hath spoken of him.”

Psalm 78:1-8, “Give ear, O my people, to my law: incline your ears to the words of my mouth. I will open my mouth in a parable: I will utter dark sayings of old: Which we have heard and known, and our fathers have told us. We will not hide them from their children, shewing to the generation to come the praises of the LORD, and his strength, and his wonderful works that he hath done. For he established a testimony in Jacob, and appointed a law in Israel, which he commanded our fathers, that they should make them known to their children: That the generation to come might know them, even the children which should be born; who should arise and declare them to their children: That they might set their hope in God, and not forget the works of God, but keep his commandments: And might not be as their fathers, a stubborn and rebellious generation; a generation that set not their heart aright, and whose spirit was not stedfast with God.”

“For as he thinketh in his heart, so is he:…” (Proverbs 23:7)

As parents, we are particularly called to prepare the pathway for our children to be born again of water and of the Holy Spirit as soon as possible. Do not conform to common thinking that a child will not receive the Holy Spirit anointing until he is older. Certainly, we should not force our children to seek for the Holy Ghost; we should be careful not to condemn or discourage those who have not yet received the Spirit; and generally a child should not be baptized until s/he has been born again of the Spirit (unless the child is older and desirous of being baptized as a sign of his/her repentance). But, we should do our best to impart unto our children our knowledge of the scriptures (using simplified explanations and demonstrations), especially God’s salvation message; we should encourage them to pray with the family, and on their own, with the mind-set of desiring the Spirit; and we should help build their confidence towards receiving the anointing.

Beware that you do not unwittingly sow seeds of discouragement or doubt by pointing out other children who were not filled with the Holy Spirit until they were a lot older. We should not compare ourselves or our children with brethren, for everyone’s walk is individual. It is God’s Word that should be our blueprint and example, and God promises His Spirit to those who seek Him. The only pre-requisite to being born again of the Spirit is our heart, and many young children can well understand the concept of their Creator’s only Son dying to make way for the Holy Spirit (God’s power) to come to dwell within their body, and the need to sincerely ask God for this gift.

If we believe that our children will not receive the Holy Spirit until they are older, then we will do our children a disservice. Even if we do not directly communicate our thoughts to our children, our thoughts are still bound to affect them indirectly. Be a positive testimony to them; ensure the things of the Lord naturally and joyfully envelop their lives; and create an air of gentle, quiet expectation. Being born again of course depends on our children’s hearts, but as their spiritual custodians we are responsible for creating the best possible environment for them to seek the Lord.

Note: For more information on the topic of “Children,” please refer to, “Diligently imparting the Word of God unto our children,” on the “Walk in the Spirit” page.

The following is a large sample of scriptures that will guide you in your child-raising, as well as help your children know (and develop confidence in) the foundation of your child training decisions and actions. This list is in no way conclusive; as you read through the Bible, in particular the book of Proverbs, you will find other key scriptures.

Key scriptures

Ephesians 6:1-4, “Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right. Honour thy father and mother; (which is the first commandment with promise;) That it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long on the earth. And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.”

Proverbs 20:11, “Even a child is known by his doings, whether his work be pure, and whether it be right.”

Colossians 3:20-21, “Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord. Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.”

Proverbs 29:17-18, “Correct thy son, and he shall give thee rest; yea, he shall give delight unto thy soul. Where there is no vision, the people perish: but he that keepeth the law, happy is he.”

Exodus 20:12, “Honour thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the LORD thy God giveth thee.”

Hebrews 12:5-11, “And ye have forgotten the exhortation which speaketh unto you as unto children, My son, despise not thou the chastening of the Lord, nor faint when thou art rebuked of him: For whom the Lord loveth he chasteneth, and scourgeth every son whom he receiveth. If ye endure chastening, God dealeth with you as with sons; for what son is he whom the father chasteneth not? But if ye be without chastisement, whereof all are partakers, then are ye bastards, and not sons. Furthermore we have had fathers of our flesh which corrected us, and we gave them reverence: shall we not much rather be in subjection unto the Father of spirits, and live? For they verily for a few days chastened us after their own pleasure; but he for our profit, that we might be partakers of his holiness. Now no chastening for the present seemeth to be joyous, but grievous: nevertheless afterward it yieldeth the peaceable fruit of righteousness unto them which are exercised thereby.”

Ecclesiastes 4:13, “Better is a poor and a wise child than an old and foolish king, who will no more be admonished.”

Deuteronomy 8:5, “Thou shalt also consider in thine heart, that, as a man chasteneth his son, so the LORD thy God chasteneth thee.”

Proverbs 19:18, “Chasten thy son while there is hope, and let not thy soul spare for his crying.”

Proverbs 29:15, “The rod and reproof give wisdom: but a child left to himself bringeth his mother to shame.”

Proverbs 3:11-12, “My son, despise not the chastening of the LORD; neither be weary of his correction: For whom the LORD loveth he correcteth; even as a father the son in whom he delighteth.”

Job 5:17, “Behold, happy is the man whom God correcteth: therefore despise not thou the chastening of the Almighty:”

Proverbs 13:1, “A wise son heareth his father’s instruction: but a scorner heareth not rebuke.”

1 Samuel 3:11-13, “And the LORD said to Samuel, Behold, I will do a thing in Israel, at which both the ears of every one that heareth it shall tingle. In that day I will perform against Eli all things which I have spoken concerning his house: when I begin, I will also make an end. For I have told him that I will judge his house for ever for the iniquity which he knoweth; because his sons made themselves vile, and he restrained them not.”

Proverbs 15:31-33, “The ear that heareth the reproof of life abideth among the wise. He that refuseth instruction despiseth his own soul: but he that heareth reproof getteth understanding. The fear of the LORD is the instruction of wisdom; and before honour is humility.”

Proverbs 17:2, “A wise servant shall have rule over a son that causeth shame, and shall have part of the inheritance among the brethren.”

Proverbs 17:25, “A foolish son is a grief to his father, and bitterness to her that bare him.”

Proverbs 19:13, “A foolish son is the calamity of his father…”

Proverbs 19:26-27, “He that wasteth his father, and chaseth away his mother, is a son that causeth shame, and bringeth reproach. Cease, my son, to hear the instruction that causeth to err from the words of knowledge.”

Proverbs 28:7, “Whoso keepeth the law is a wise son: but he that is a companion of riotous men shameth his father.”

1. Begin with infancy to give the child everything he wants. In this way he will grow to believe the world owes him a living.

2. When they pick up bad words, laugh at them. This will make them think they’re cute. It will also encourage them to pick up even “cuter” phrases that will blow your head off later.

3. Never give them any spiritual training. Wait till they are 19 and then let them “decide for themselves.”

4. Avoid use of the word, “wrong.” It may cause them to develop a guilt complex. This will condition them to believe later, when they are arrested for stealing a car or shoplifting, that society is against them and they are being persecuted.

5. Pick up everything they leave lying around – books, shoes, clothes. Do everything for them so they will be experienced at throwing all responsibility onto others.

6. Let them read any printed material, play any video game or watch anything they want on television. Be careful that the drinking glasses and silverware are sterilized, but let their mind feast on garbage.

7. Quarrel frequently in the presence of your children. In this way they will not be too shocked when the home is broken up later.

8. Give a child all the spending money he wants. Never let him earn his own. Why should he have things as tough as you had them?

9. Satisfy their every craving for food, drink and comfort. See that every sensual desire is gratified. Denial may lead to harmful frustration later.

10. Take his part against all forms of authority; neighbors, teachers, policemen. They are all prejudiced against your child.

11. When they get into real trouble, apologize and excuse yourself by saying, “I never could do anything with them.”